We’re always told that we should feel the most comfortable
with the person you decide to enter into a relationship with. And I really
really am, I mean I can tell him basically anything without fear of being
judged. But, at this point, we’ve been together for a little less than a year,
and I still get super nervous bringing up big topics. It’s more of the fact
that I start psyching myself out, I get all anxious and begin doubting myself.
Even though I already know that the outcome will most likely be a positive one,
I still freak the fuck out.
Early on in our relationship, we used to send each other
letters because we were long distance. I would be soo nervous that it would
take me weeks to even open his letter. Why? I have no freaking idea because when
you think about it, it actually doesn’t make sense. Like what could he possibly
say that would be bad, I mean I‘m pretty sure he wouldn’t break up with me with
a freaking letter. But still, all my rational flies out the window when it
comes to him. It become purely emotional and let’s just say that my emotions are
out of whack.
I am planning on transferring schools, moving to Ottawa and
he’s planning on being there with me. I have been thinking about it for awhile
and I really want to ask him if he would want to move in together. It just
makes sense for us, and for a person who over thinks every possible thing, I
have looked and I really have no doubts, which is very rare. The problem is
asking him because I have no way to know how to react. We have established that
we want to be together for a long time, so wouldn’t moving in together after
moving to a new city be the logical next step. Well, I don’t think something
like this can totally be based on logic, I mean to some people it’s a huge deal
(I don’t really see it to be that big of a deal to be honest). Then why the
hell am I soo nervous that I almost peed my pants?
Today, we were on skype and the second I saw his adorable
face and smile I just couldn’t get it out. I couldn’t. Panic set in and I
started talking about every topic imaginable except the one that was taunting
me in the form of a pros and cons list. So, in the end, I didn’t bring it up, I
just maybe need more time to freak out about it before I do.
I know that when I do eventually bring it up, it will be
good and we’ll have a great conversation about it. Until then, I am going to
continue freaking out, I am a Chandler after all.
Relationships are hard, complicated and sometimes messy.
They are also fulfilling and full of hope for the future, fun and passionate;
well when you’re with the right person that is. When you’re with the right
person, the good should outweigh the little arguments and disagreements that
are present in every relationship. But what if it doesn’t? What if the bad is
soo much worse than the good is great?
I have been pondering this questions for as long as I have
been aware of people in bad relationships (yes, I ponder, it is much fancier
than thinking). I definitely cannot judge since we can never know what really
happens in a relationship and the inner dynamics of a relationship. And I can’t
say I have ever experienced a bad relationship, I have dodged many bullets and
have been very lucky. I just want to understand….why stay?
Clearly, what is a bad relationship is completely
subjective. The things that are absolute deal breakers for me may be non
factors for some. But, I’m pretty sure we can visualize what I mean by a bad
relationship. The couples that are constantly breaking up and getting back
together (I really cannot stand this), the ones that are constantly hurling
insults and threats, the ones that are filled with jealousy and insecurities;
those ones.
The most obvious answer would seem that these people just really
don’t want to be alone, or just don’t know how to. In this case, I really do
think that the most obvious answer is most likely the right one. The people who
can’t be single and that being in a dysfunctional relationship is better than
nothing, may not even realize that they are in a toxic relationship. They might
go with it because they may never have had good relationship role model or,
most likely they have really low self-esteem and believe they don’t deserve
better.
And that makes me sad.
I know two people in these types of relationships; two of my
really good friends in fact. One, who I have known forever, is with a guy who
the majority (if not all) of her friends loathe, who disrespects her friends
and most everyone he comes into contact with (I, for one have had a myriad of
racial insults hurled at me) and who makes insensitive comments about her
friend’s bodies when they are not even present to defend themselves. He is also extremely controlling, looks
through her phone without permission and seems to think that everyone of her
guy friends is into her, and if she denies them, he calls them gay. Doesn’t he
sound like a catch?
The second, has been with her boyfriend for almost three
years, and has been rocky form the start. They have broken up sooooo many
times, she is known as the girl who cries break-up. He is VERY controlling, not
letting her go out with people of whom he doesn’t know or approve of (and this
is tricky since they don’t live in the same city, how is he supposed to know
all her friends?), he doesn’t let her drink either, so she tends not to go out
much. Once, during a conversation she asked how frenchie was doing, I told her he was out drinking with some friends, and she was shocked that I would allow him to go out to a bar, with out me. She has been a source of tension
in his family and caused many disagreements because they believe that she is
impacting his grades and she takes all the blame. Very healthy, don’t you
think?
These cases are very different, yet similar. The players are
vastly different but the outcome is the same. These people are stuck in
destructive relationship patterns and they haven’t yet discovered how to get
out. As a friend, I try to be supportive, or you know, avoid them when the
significant other is near. As an impartial observer, I’m left perplexed. I
really don’t understand it, and I probably never will, unless I end up in one
of these myself. I really hope not, mostly because I’m basically never going to
break up with frenchie….
We live in a world of codes; the penal code, area codes and
morse code. But obviously, the most important code that we all know is the BRO
CODE. Bros are described on urban dictionary as being “obnoxious partying males
who are often seen at college parties. When they aren’t making an ass of themselves they usually just stand
around holding a red plastic cup waiting for something exciting to happen so
they can scream something that demonstrates how much they enjoy partying."
But for me, bros originated from Barney Stinson on one of my favourite
shows ever…How I Met your Mother. Since then, it was become a huge phenomenon, and
has spawned something known as bro tips which are can be hilarious, sometimes
sexist but usually pretty insightful.
But you never really here about girl code. Especially college
girl code. My list is more rules then tips or statements,
1.Chicks shall not allow girl to drunk call or drunk
text. It’s just super super embarrassing,
and EVERYONE regrets them the next morning
2.Chicks shall not judge other girl on the appearance/personality
of past hook-ups. Everyone has those nights where you have massive beer goggles
and may not make the best decision boy wise. However, they probably already
know that the guy they woke up next too looked like a troll, we really don’t need
to rub it in.
3.Chicks shall not post pictures on facebook where
they look great and friends look awful. That is just too cruel.
4.Chicks shall let other girls borrow clothes. This
is definitely required if you are of similar size as your friends. If you are
going out often, you don’t want to be seen in the same clothes a lot, it’s
always great to switch it up.
5.Chicks shall offer to pay for dry cleaning if
something is spilled on borrowed clothes. This should be obvious, and if its not,
you’re probably a terrible person.
6.Chicks not date or flirt with ex-boyfriend.
This is complicated, because I know a lot of people who have dated each other’s
exes. I think it depends on how serious the relationship is and in my mind,
high school relationships do not count, unless they lasted past graduation.
7.Chicks shall tell the truth about how they feel
about a friend’s significant other. I think this is really important because
relationships need trust. If you like the significant other, then tell them if
they ask (and they always ask) and if you don’t, you should tell them too. I
think it’s always helpful to hear from a friend what they think, especially a
close friend because they tend to know you very very well. People are often
blinded by love, and they might not notice little things that their partner
does that may not be in their best interest. I’m not saying bash the person
mercilessly, I’m just saying express your feelings if asked, and don’t bring up
again.
8.Chicks shall help beautify friends when going
out. Help do hair, makeup, picking out outfits. Sad to say, but the appearance
of one member usually reflects on the group. Ugh I really feel awful for saying
this.
9.Chicks shall provide pointers, help and support. When
it comes to female friendships, there are many layers, because their might be jealousy,
some sort of animosity or some form of miscommunication. Frenemies come to
mind. That said, chicks have some amazing tips that they can share with a
fellow girl, be it study tips, workout tips, cooking tips, book recommendations
(this is very important for me), money saving tips and the list goes on. Spread
the word, it’s no good to keep these things to yourself.
10.Chicks shall go ahead with crazy plans when
friends are going through tough times. I mentioned above that chick friendships
can be complicated, but they can be very very rewarding and can be the most important
relationships you form. When friends are going through hard time, be it exam
stress, boy trouble, family issues, work problems and they want to de stress,
try and go along with their crazy ideas. They would gladly do the same for you.
11.Chicks shall support their fellow chicks in
future career or academic goals. As a college student, I think this is one of
the most important because most of us are completely lost, so we use our
friends as sounding boards to bounce off our ideas and fears for our future. It’s
hard feeling like you don’t know where you’re going to end up, but having
someone to talk to, who is probably going through the same thing.
I am definitely the opposite of a serial monogamist. It just
boggles my mind how people can find soo many people that they are super
attracted to and want to date so quickly. Maybe they are not very picky and the
only requirements they have in a partner is has a penis or vagina or you know
is breathing (except the necrophiliacs who don’t really need the breathing to
be turned on). But I am not one who easily gets in to relationships; it’s a
really big thing that I cannot just be in with someone who is just ok, they
need to be better than ok for me. Obviously, people have their own list of
criteria that qualifies someone as being better than ok, but what are things
that would make you run away screaming in the other direction?
Well here are mine
1.Abuse (mental or physical): this is a really
really big one and it’s pretty self explanatory. I have no interest in being
with someone who hurts me, whether that is by hitting or putting me down. Just.
Cannot. Deal.
2.Jealousy: Is such a huge no. I want to be with a
guy who is secure enough to understand
that yes, I sometimes talk to people of the opposite sex and no, that does not
mean that I want to have their children (well I might want their children, but
I’m not actually going to do anything about that). It always mystifies me to
know end people who have decided to pair up with such jealous and controlling
people. I have heard people justify it by saying, well they care about me so it’s
ok, ummm it’s never ok for someone to control who you can and cannot be friends
with. Never.
3.Bad kisser/bad in bed: ok I’m sure this is not
something on everyone’s list, or it may be on the list but they may not admit
it, either way this is definitely a deal breaker. Why would I settle down with
someone who is just not great in bed? What’s the point? Yes, I may care for
them and what not, but if we are not able to connect on that sexual level, then
I don’t really want to connect on any level.
4.Not ambitious: This is not negotiable. I cannot
be with someone, let alone attracted to someone, that does not have bigger
plans then going to a bar this Friday night. I mean don’t you have dreams? Or aspirations?
Or you know a soul? I have dreams and places I want to go and things I want to
accomplish, I want someone to help me achieve my goals as I help them achieve
theirs. I do not want someone ridding on my coat tails…way too depressing.
5.Opposite political views or no political views:
I’m a liberal thinker and I come from a family with liberal thinkers, and I know
that I would not be able to be with someone with more conservative views. Why? Well,
conservatives are usually anti-immigrants, anti- abortion/women’s rights, anti-gay
rights, way too into big business and a multitude of other reasons. These things
are all extremely important to me.
1.Very religious: I am in no way against religion.
I am against organized religion for myself. That’s it. So I feel like an
extremely religious person wouldn’t want to be with someone who on my best days
is an agnostic and at my worst is
atheist and on those days, I really don’t want to hear about whatever deity
they happen to believe in.
1.Smokers: I don’t like the smell, and I probably wouldn’t
like the taste.
I was reading an article recently about relationship trends
on college campuses that was preaching the same thing that I’ve been hearing
for years: college students are not forming relationships; instead, they are
only hooking up. First let’s discuss my hatred of the word hook-up, it is just
so vague! Hooking up can mean anything from getting a drink “oh, we hooked up
and went for a coffee” or to having dirty sex in an equally dirty bar bathroom.
Why is it so difficult for us to just say what we did with someone; that we
made-out with them or that we gave them a blow job or that we had intercourse? It’s
just so vague and that is precisely why we use it. For people who are ashamed
to not be going far enough, we can use the umbrella term hooking up to seem
that we are going further than we actually are (I think more guys than girls
are guilty of this) and for the rest, they use it because they might be ashamed
of telling someone what they did someone. I for one will never let someone just
tell me that they “hooked up with someone” I need to know exactly what you did
or don’t tell me anything, it’s all or nothing.
So, what exactly is this hook-up culture that is presumably
so rampant on college campuses? And is it really more rampant than before? Mind
you, most of the articles I have read on the subject have been about American universities,
but I’m pretty sure they can easily apply to most campuses where the male to
female ration is heavily skewed towards the ones without the Y chromosome.
When you’re a senior in high school, you are bombarded with
information about universities such as which school has the better programs,
campus size and location. We also hear about the social aspects of these
schools, the ones with the crazy parties, the hottest girls or boys, the most
unattractive campuses. Hell, when I was discussing going to the University of
Western Ontario with my mom, she asked, why would you want to go to a party
school?
University of Western Ontario, is an academically rigorous school
with great programs, however, it is overwhelmingly known as a party school. Laurier
is a school that shares the city of waterloo with me and is definitely known as
the much “easier” girls as compared to UW. Why is that? Well UWO and Laurier
are schools where the overwhelming majority of the students are female, 58% and
61% respectively. That is a huge gap. My experience is that when there are more
girls on campus or way more datable girls on a campus, that guys have
absolutely no reason to want to settle down. The most stereotypically desired
guys, the jocks, have their pick of the litter, they can pick and choose and if
they wanted too, they could sleep their way through the faculties. And the
girls just follow suit. Maybe because they also don’t feel the need to settle
down, which is actually more common than people are willing to believe.
However, a lot of them just don’t know what else to do, because if they don’t sleep
with the guy, he could easily find another chick to sleep with.
I always wondered why so many of the girls from my high
school chose Laurier. Laurier is just an ok school, I mean in first wear our
don wrote a song about waterloo, and told us if we couldn’t handle it we could
just go to the high school down the road. Laurier does have a good business
program, but that is about it, do these girls just want to be a part of the
cycle of “hot” girls that go through the doors? Or is there something else?
A site became popular a year ago called, likealittle.com. It
was missed connections for college campuses and it was hilariously entertaining.
But not the waterloo page, no we always checked out the Laurier page because
the lines were always that much more bold and it was both guys and girls writing
these super sexual lines. It was fantastic! Everyone at Laurier joined in on
the fun, they were free to say whatever they wanted and hook-up with whomever
they wanted. But maybe it was just a game, and neither party wanted to be left
out so most people played along, not wanting to step out of the rotation of
casual sex.
My University is very different. The majority of people I
know are in serious, long term relationships. Actually, all my best friends from
the school seem to be serial monogamists, going from one relationship to the
next. 57% of the population is male at waterloo. In this case, there are way
more available men then there are women, which explains why there seem to be
way more relationships then not. Basically, the women rule the school in terms
of choices, the can be picky, they can have the high standards and it’s up to
the guy to live up to those standards, mainly being great boyfriend material.
But I also can’t help but think it has also to do with
cultural aspects of the school. The majority of students at waterloo are of
Asian descent, and more than any other cultural grouping, they seem to be
creating and maintaining the most constant streams of relationships. Maybe
because they frown on having casual sex with multiple partners, unlike those of
their white and black counterparts, or maybe it’s because they just see
relationships differently. Either way,
it is definitely not something I have ever seen addressed in any of the articles
about campus hook-up culture.
Also, maybe the more academically rigorous the schools are,
the more likely people are to form pairs. I’m just throwing this out there, but
maybe it is true. Waterloo, is a very tough school to not fail out of, even the
supposed, “soft programs” are very rigorous, but with the majority of students
being in engineering, science and math at this university, maybe that is also a
factor.
Basically, I’m really not sure what the answer is to this
question, and I’ll probably be blogging about this again when I analyze the
situation more. However I will say that hooking up with multiple people is not
a bad thing, if you want to make out with some hot guy then do it, if you want
to sleep with the entire football team then go ahead. My problem is that university
campuses are being framed as these huge orgy parties which is not close to the
truth. I know way more virgins then people who have slept with more than 10
people either by choice or not. But this fact isn’t talked about because it isn’t
sensational enough.
As I've mentioned before, the Frenchie lives in San Francisco. I don't.
So, a couple months back, I came up with the idea to do summer sessions at Berkeley so that I could be closer to him in the summer. Well it turned out that my parents were for the decision, only if i paid for it myself, which was never going to happen. Before my parents had decided to turn me down, I started applying to internships in the area also, so i could make the most out of my summer experience.
Well I got accepted to work at Planned Parenthood Shasta Pacific as a Public Affairs Intern, which I was super excited about. Then I thought about it and realized that I didn't want to live in one of the most expensive US cities jsut for an unpaid, part time internship. So, i started looking around for other part time internships where I would be able to fill time when i wasn't at planned parenthood.
Then came an email yesterday that made my decision, I got an internship for the Department of Women's Affairs. Yay!!
So now, my summer plans are coming together, it looks like I might be in San Francisco without a Frenchie which is depressing. His internship is finished soon and if he doesn't get this job, he's going to have to start the job hunt.I know he'll find a job, since I'm pretty sure there is a great need for software developers in the bay area, just a guess.
But, if he doesn't get a job, then I'm going to be stuck, in San Francisco for 4 months working 2 internships and 5 online courses.
This starts off as a complete dating horror story that has a very sweet ending.
Lisa works for a tech start up company in the Toronto area and as is the norm, she was one of the only women in her entire office, which led to many unwanted advances and flirtation. This all changed when someone new entered the office. According to her, there was an audible swoon when this piece of man meat, came into the office.
It began as innocent flirtation, she really didn't want to get involved with a co-worker and she had just gotten out of a pretty intense 4 year relationship. But when he asked her to go out for drinks, she literally jumped at the chance (hey, she hadn't been laid in a while). They planned on meeting at a bar of a trendy downtown hotel, where she arrived 5 mins early. 30 mins later, he had still not shown up and Lisa was starting to panic; "what would happen the next day at work?" " would it be awkward to see him after he stood me up?" So to keep from thinking, she started drinking, and drinking and was joined by some other people in the bar.
An hour later than the agreed upon time, he showed up, and told her that he had taken a nap and had forgotten to set an alarm. She couldn't blame him for that. So he said why don't we just have another drink here and then go to the party I was talking about at work. She agreed, and he ordered 6 drinks for himself on her tab, when it was time to pay for the bill, he looked at her innocently and said "well since the tab was already open, I thought you should pay for the drinks, it only makes sense."
Well at this point, Lisa was fuming, but in her mind he was hot enough for her to let it slide. And she really wanted to have sex
They arrive to an already packed party, where Lisa is hastily introduced to a bunch of his friends. 30 mins into the party, her date disappears and she's left to roam through the party by herself. She starts talking to a nice guy that she recognized from her office but didn't know very well and asks him if he has any idea where her date might be, "oh, he's probably in a room having sex with his ex-girlfriends, he tends to do that." Well this was the last straw, she refused to be used and disrespected like that, so she decided she wanted to leave. The nice guy she had been talking too offered to split a cab with her since they were headed in the same direction. He seemed nice enough, so she agreed.
Once in the cab, she started to feel sick, and with no where to throw up. In a panic, she opened up the window and started throwing up while the cab was driving and the new guy was patting her back awkwardly. It was definitely not the prettiest scene. When they arrived at her apartment, nice guy helped her up the stairs and out her into bed. He stayed with her all night and helped her throw up when she needed too.
The next morning, she found him asleep on the couch and came to the realization, maybe I noticed the wrong guy after all.
Lisa and James have now been together for a year, how cute is that?
Happy anniversary you 2! <3
Jealousy is definitely not an emotion that comes naturally
to me. I always associated jealousy with really insecure, weak people who
couldn’t be happy for someone since they were not happy with themselves. But I was
confronted with this ugly feeling of jealousy a couple days ago, with something
that I saw on Facebook. I had been skyping with a friend, when the conversation
inevitably led to our relationships. I
told him about how the Frenchie (that’s what I call him because the term
boyfriend makes me laugh when I say it, not sure why) was going back to France,
and he would be going to his ceremony and gala and that he was really excited
to be going because he hadn’t seen his friends in a really long time.
The friend I was talking to made a comment about how they
had no idea how I was able to the long distance thing, I mean doesn’t it suck
to not know who is friends are, you know male and female friends? The thought
never really occurred to me; I mean for a person with major trust issues, I
happen to trust the Frenchie a lot. The friend continued with this line of
questioning “I mean, you haven’t seen your friends for more than a year, and
you are more likely to get drunk and there may be a bigger chance of someone
professing their feelings for someone else, when they feel like they only have
one night together?”
Well this made me nervous, I’m not sure why, but it made me
super nervous. That same day, I decided to do something I never do, stalk the Frenchie’s
fb page, and then I saw a post buy a female friend on his wall, the VERY FIRST
POST and it definitely not the fact that a female posted on his wall, I could care less, It was what she had posted. So what is a girl to do, well obviously rant to her best friend? I made
L, go on his wall also to give me her verdict, “wow, that girl is super flirty”
was basically her response. Well that did not make me feel very good about myself
at all. I know if I had brought it up to the Frenchie, he would have not been
too happy, he would say something like “ I trust you, why can’t you trust me?”
This got me thinking can guys and girls really only be
friends, or does there always have to be some sort of attraction?
Well, I believe that girls and guys can just be friends. I’ve
seen it and I have also had platonic male friendships where we were strictly
friends. On the flip side, I have been on the receiving end of untoward
advances from male friends that I did not see coming, because I probably didn’t
want too. I went around asking a bunch
of friends, what they thought and the consensus was that yes, girls and guys
can just be friends. Here are some snippets from the convos:
L: I do believe that guys and girl could be just friends. But
I feel like we are the only ones who believe that. I realize that the guys you can only be
friends with are the not so good looking guys... or guys you can never see
yourself with. You’re more attractive guy friends, you can still be just
friends but there will always be this tiny thought of what would happen if we
got together
Male L: they can be just friends without feelings. Me and S are good
friends, no lingering feelings and such. But maybe it's because we both have
someone and we're both in relationships
A: Yes but its hard... Especially if you have a past with him/her
Well
everyone believed that you could be friends with an opposite sex partner, but
there was always a but.
It got me to
thinking about the role of attraction in relationships. I really think that we
are more likely to form relationships with people we find attractive in some
way. So, in theory, that would mean that most hetero sexual male/female
friendships have some component of attraction that sustains the relationship,
whether they may be aware of it or not. Even with female friends, I know that I
find my friends extremely attractive, but I’m not sure whether it is causation
or correlation; whether I’m their friend because I find them attractive or I
find them attractive because I am their friend.
What is the
line between platonic and romantic relationships? Where does one start and
where does one begin? And how do you cross the line without possibly ruining
the other side? It’s complicated, relationships are complicated, and what draws
us to one another either platonically or romantically is not well defined. What
I have come to realize, that when we are in our early 20s, our friends become,
arguably, the most important people in our lives. We are away from home,
sometimes continents away, and those friendships sometimes become harder to
find as we are trying to define ourselves.
I have come
to better understand how friendships do tend to cause jealousy in
relationships. Little bouts of jealousy, I believe, stem from rational
thoughts. In my case, if most friendships are based on some sort of attraction,
then I can be a bit jealous when one of the Frenchie’s female friends becomes
flirty. However, I will say that no matter how rational we believe, we may be
at the moment, jealousy can lead to irrational behaviour and thoughts and is
not a very constructive emotion.
I did get
over my little jealous moment, and I am definitely relieved, the feeling made
me extremely uncomfortable.
But I will
say this: everything bad that happens in relationships, I blame on Facebook
So I love reading strange and weird news. Well today, I was on Huffington Post, and I read about a woman who was born with not one, but TWO vaginas as well as two uteruses. Her name is Hazel Johnson and she is a 27 year old living in the UK. She went on morning television to tell her story. Now, i dont't know about you, but I'm pretty sure if I was born with this condition, known as uterus didelphys, I don't know if I would advertise it to the world, but then again, as a rule I try to avoid talking about my ladybits to strangers, but that's just me.
I really have no clue what I would do with an extra vagina, it seems like such a burden; losing my virginity 2 (i mean once was enough), having twice the periods. But I have to hand it to her for not rushing to get surgery, because for her the risks are not worth it.
I am a college student. A time in
life that is marked by significant changes, growth and transitions. We
are mostly in our early 20s, trying to carve a path that is our own, inside our
college bubbles, before the burst. Is it any wonder why college relationships
are so hard to find and then maintain?
As college students, we are faced
with many an obstacle to overcome, be it midterms exams and papers, roommate issues,
the freshman 15, paying off loans, balancing crazy schedules, I mean seriously,
why do we even want college relationships? Yes, companionship is great, yes sex
is great too (well maybe not for all, I mean these are 20 year old boys we’re
talking about), but there are so many factors that go against reason as to why
we shouldn’t even bother.
1.
We are selfish: let’s
be honest, we are a group of selfish, self-interested kids. And we have every
right to be! Most people worked hard to get into the University they wanted to
go too and are working hard to stay in their programs. I know for me, I’m
working my ass off to get good grades to apply to grad school, to get a good
internship this summer and I also want to volunteer at a hospital. I know most
people, also have part-time jobs and are balancing this all with trying to
maintain friendships and talk to their parents once a week. School and our
futures should be our top priorities, so we need to be a little selfish to be
able to accomplish those goals.
2.
Freedom: For most of
us, we have finally left the clutches of our great and generous parents. We can
let loose! And letting loose for a lot of people is getting way too drunk, way
too many times a week and making way too many bad decisions because of being
way too drunk way too many times a week. I for one, was always given a lot of
freedom when I was living at home, I had no curfew and there were not many
rules for me to follow, mostly because my parents knew that I would much rather
stay home and watch a movie, then go out. So I don’t even know whether it’s
being unsupervised or the fact that we are surrounded by like minded individuals
that lead to all this craziness, but after graduation, it’s not as socially acceptable.
A lot of people are not willing to give up the freedom to get drunk and
make-out with whomever they want for a bf/gf, I mean can you blame them? It’s
really fun!
3.
Uncertainty: We have
no clue where we’re going to end up, ever. We don’t know where we will live the
next year, or even next term, no clue where our next summer job will take us
and god forbid, trying to figure out what we’ll be doing after graduation.
Everything is up in the air, as it should be and it’s always best to make these
huge life decisions for you and not for a significant other. Look at me, I go
to the University of Waterloo, majoring in Psychology and Sexuality, Marriage,
Family studies, I took a term off because I didn’t want to handle it anymore,
stayed the entire term with my boyfriend in San Francisco, decided that I
wanted to transfer and applied to SFU in British Columbia. I thought I had
everything figured out, I really did, and then I realized that I didn’t want to
be a couples therapist and that I really didn’t want to be an hour away from my
parents, and that I wanted to explore. Most of us haven’t figured anything out,
and we really shouldn’t have too at our age. It’s our time to bask in the
uncertainty, and then after graduation, we can crash on our parents’ couches.
So, why
the rush in fitting someone into our selfish, alcohol infused, uncertain lives?
Well for me, even though I am extremely aware of all the things that are
against the formation and maintenance of a college relationship, when you meet
someone you just click with; all those things just fly out the window. We are
willing to forgo our selfishness and shuffle our schedules to make time, and if
we can’t we know that he/she will understand. We will probably make less
alcoholic mistakes or we will have a new partner in crime. And, we’ll have
someone there who understands exactly what we are going through when we are
weathering the storm of uncertainty that is out 20s.
For my
friends who are not in relationships. Embrace it!! You could do whatever and whomever
you want, seriously! Make out with the cute guy at the bar, just because you
can. Go on exchange and not miss the boy you left at home and make out with
foreign boys!! Study, and probably make better grades then those of us in
relationships.
All I’m
saying is that there are positives and negatives to being single and in a
relationship in college, so embrace your status, and remember these may be the
best years of our lives!
Quotables
Conversation with random dude, who was trying to hit on me on the bus when I was in San Francisco.
Random: So honey, where are you from?
Me: Ummm, why are assuming that I'm not from here?
Random: Well if you were, I would have seen you already
Me: Yeah, I don't think so
Random: And you talk funny
Me: Well, I'm from Toronto
*Random stares at me blankly*
Me: Toronto...
Random: Is that somewhere in England? You sound like you have an English accent
*My turn to stare at him blankly*
Me: No. Toronto is in Canada
Random: Ohh, Bieber country
Me: Really? That's what we're none for?
Friday, January 6, 2012
Quotables
Conversation with my boyfriend last night
Me: I was just thinking about if this was my baby brothers first Winter or not, but I just realized that he is turning 3 so it definitely is not
Him: haha yeah, but it might be his last
Me: WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT!?!
Him: you know, with the end of the world and everything?
There are many things to like about Fridays; the start of
the weekend, casual Fridays, it starts with the letter F and thanks to Rebecca Black
it has it was the most celebrated day of the week on youtube in 2011.
While those are all valid reasons to love this day of all
days, my reason tops the list: Wedding day on TLC!!
Every Friday night, TLC
offers up some of the best entertainment on television, from Say Yes to the
Dress which is my personal favourite, its spin-offs Say Yes to the Dress:
Atlanta, Bridesmaids and Big Bliss, Four Weddings and Brides of Beverly Hills.
Why would I much rather stay inside in my pjs instead of
heading out with my peers on a Friday night of debauchery and bad decisions? Well
there are many reasons, but one of them is that I really really like weddings.
I’m not sure when this obsession began; I was pretty
anti-wedding, anti-marriage for awhile. Maybe it was because I just saw
marriage as a socio-economic construct that had no basis in society. However,
that all changed when I watched my first ever wedding show, which was Say Yes
to the Dress.
Maybe it is because I am a hopeless romantic, or the fact
that I will always be sucked in by a good story. It probably comes down to the
fact that I’m living vicariously through these people who seem so happy and blissed
out. But I do know that it really isn’t about the wedding and the party, it’s
about the day that these two people confirm in front of everyone they know, and
a lot of people they don’t that they are proud to be with that person, for
however long it may last.
I know that all the hoopla surrounding these big days is not
for me, I would prefer a very small wedding, 30-50 people or maybe I’ll elope.
But I will always love watching other people’s huge spectacles.
I am completely and utterly computer illiterate so I am truly sorry for the eye sore that is my page, but I am trying to figure it out. Hopefully it works out....
Hi future friends and my current ones (hope you guys are reading this), my name is Fatmata and I go by many nicknames; fatty, fathead, fatso, ftk (my middle name is Tammy, i am aware of how unfortunate that is) and the list goes on. Given my list of unfortunate nicknames, you would think that I wasn't a huge fan of my name, but in fact it's the complete opposite, I really like my name. It took years, but I have come to accept and even embrace it, because I really wouldn't be me without my name.
10 things about me:
I LOVE LOVE candy, hence the theme and name of my blog
I live and breathe for books,especially scientific mysteries (i.e Michael Chrichton) and non-fiction
Currently a student at University of Waterloo but I will be transferring too Simon Fraser University in the Summer, majoring in Health Sciences and Human Resource Management
I really want a bulldog, they are soo cute
I use the word cute way too often for a 20 year old
I would do anything for my friends, family and boyfriend and I really hope they know that
I like tequila a little too much
My dream in life is to travel everywhere and anywhere, and I am off to a good start
I really love cooking and hope to showcase my mad skills on this blog
I really don't like wearing pants
I started this blog because of a recommendation from my awesome friend Lucy, who has been telling me for awhile now that I need to broadcast my thoughts, for people to read and learn and gain great knowledge because I am so wise (her words, not mine).
Hopefully I keep this up, it's going to be a fun ride!
