College Dating

I am a college student. A time in life that is marked by significant changes, growth and transitions. We are mostly in our early 20s, trying to carve a path that is our own, inside our college bubbles, before the burst. Is it any wonder why college relationships are so hard to find and then maintain?

As college students, we are faced with many an obstacle to overcome, be it midterms exams and papers, roommate issues, the freshman 15, paying off loans, balancing crazy schedules, I mean seriously, why do we even want college relationships? Yes, companionship is great, yes sex is great too (well maybe not for all, I mean these are 20 year old boys we’re talking about), but there are so many factors that go against reason as to why we shouldn’t even bother.

1.       

      We are selfish: let’s be honest, we are a group of selfish, self-interested kids. And we have every right to be! Most people worked hard to get into the University they wanted to go too and are working hard to stay in their programs. I know for me, I’m working my ass off to get good grades to apply to grad school, to get a good internship this summer and I also want to volunteer at a hospital. I know most people, also have part-time jobs and are balancing this all with trying to maintain friendships and talk to their parents once a week. School and our futures should be our top priorities, so we need to be a little selfish to be able to accomplish those goals.

2.      

      Freedom: For most of us, we have finally left the clutches of our great and generous parents. We can let loose! And letting loose for a lot of people is getting way too drunk, way too many times a week and making way too many bad decisions because of being way too drunk way too many times a week. I for one, was always given a lot of freedom when I was living at home, I had no curfew and there were not many rules for me to follow, mostly because my parents knew that I would much rather stay home and watch a movie, then go out. So I don’t even know whether it’s being unsupervised or the fact that we are surrounded by like minded individuals that lead to all this craziness, but after graduation, it’s not as socially acceptable. A lot of people are not willing to give up the freedom to get drunk and make-out with whomever they want for a bf/gf, I mean can you blame them? It’s really fun!

3.     

            Uncertainty: We have no clue where we’re going to end up, ever. We don’t know where we will live the next year, or even next term, no clue where our next summer job will take us and god forbid, trying to figure out what we’ll be doing after graduation. Everything is up in the air, as it should be and it’s always best to make these huge life decisions for you and not for a significant other. Look at me, I go to the University of Waterloo, majoring in Psychology and Sexuality, Marriage, Family studies, I took a term off because I didn’t want to handle it anymore, stayed the entire term with my boyfriend in San Francisco, decided that I wanted to transfer and applied to SFU in British Columbia. I thought I had everything figured out, I really did, and then I realized that I didn’t want to be a couples therapist and that I really didn’t want to be an hour away from my parents, and that I wanted to explore. Most of us haven’t figured anything out, and we really shouldn’t have too at our age. It’s our time to bask in the uncertainty, and then after graduation, we can crash on our parents’ couches.

      

      So, why the rush in fitting someone into our selfish, alcohol infused, uncertain lives? Well for me, even though I am extremely aware of all the things that are against the formation and maintenance of a college relationship, when you meet someone you just click with; all those things just fly out the window. We are willing to forgo our selfishness and shuffle our schedules to make time, and if we can’t we know that he/she will understand. We will probably make less alcoholic mistakes or we will have a new partner in crime. And, we’ll have someone there who understands exactly what we are going through when we are weathering the storm of uncertainty that is out 20s.

      

      For my friends who are not in relationships. Embrace it!! You could do whatever and whomever you want, seriously! Make out with the cute guy at the bar, just because you can. Go on exchange and not miss the boy you left at home and make out with foreign boys!! Study, and probably make better grades then those of us in relationships.

      

      All I’m saying is that there are positives and negatives to being single and in a relationship in college, so embrace your status, and remember these may be the best years of our lives!