I Still Get Nervous Around my Boyfriend

I still get Nervous around my boyfriend.

There, I admit it.

We’re always told that we should feel the most comfortable with the person you decide to enter into a relationship with. And I really really am, I mean I can tell him basically anything without fear of being judged. But, at this point, we’ve been together for a little less than a year, and I still get super nervous bringing up big topics. It’s more of the fact that I start psyching myself out, I get all anxious and begin doubting myself. Even though I already know that the outcome will most likely be a positive one, I still freak the fuck out.

Early on in our relationship, we used to send each other letters because we were long distance. I would be soo nervous that it would take me weeks to even open his letter. Why? I have no freaking idea because when you think about it, it actually doesn’t make sense. Like what could he possibly say that would be bad, I mean I‘m pretty sure he wouldn’t break up with me with a freaking letter. But still, all my rational flies out the window when it comes to him. It become purely emotional and let’s just say that my emotions are out of whack.

I am planning on transferring schools, moving to Ottawa and he’s planning on being there with me. I have been thinking about it for awhile and I really want to ask him if he would want to move in together. It just makes sense for us, and for a person who over thinks every possible thing, I have looked and I really have no doubts, which is very rare. The problem is asking him because I have no way to know how to react. We have established that we want to be together for a long time, so wouldn’t moving in together after moving to a new city be the logical next step. Well, I don’t think something like this can totally be based on logic, I mean to some people it’s a huge deal (I don’t really see it to be that big of a deal to be honest). Then why the hell am I soo nervous that I almost peed my pants?

Today, we were on skype and the second I saw his adorable face and smile I just couldn’t get it out. I couldn’t. Panic set in and I started talking about every topic imaginable except the one that was taunting me in the form of a pros and cons list. So, in the end, I didn’t bring it up, I just maybe need more time to freak out about it before I do.

I know that when I do eventually bring it up, it will be good and we’ll have a great conversation about it. Until then, I am going to continue freaking out, I am a Chandler after all.